Failure in the Mirror
by Ijustwantyoutoknow
Summary: -Just throw it up. Just until you lose the last two pounds, then you'll never do it again-Kurt works hard to keep his disorder a secret. But it can't be a secret forever, as he will find out. Will anyone be there to catch him when he falls to the ground?
1. Prologue

**This is only the prologue! If you think I should continue, (with MUCH longer chapters!) Please tell me! Thank you and enjoy.**

**I don't own Glee.**

"Hummel, you failed, I wanted five pounds off in two weeks, not three. Your pear hips are going ot need to fit into that Cheerios uniform. I want an hour extra on the track for you. Tonight." Coach Sylvester turned shraply and walked away from Kurt. He ducked his head, trying not to let people see his tears.

He entered the vacant bathroom and stood back, assessing himself in the mirror. _She's right, pear hips, you're all fat. You shouldn't have eaten those eggs for breakfast. Now you'll only get fatter. Good luck fitting into that uniform._

_But I do fit! _Kurt's mind countered itself, but always settling on the worst. He _was_ fat! All he wanted to do was to go back and refuse his breakfast.

_You still can_ his mind whispered at him. _ People do it all the time. Just throw it up. Just until you lose the last two pounds, then you'll never do it again. _

Kurt felt fear coil up on his stomach, but he took another look in the mirror and was disgusted with what he saw. He made his way into the last dingy bathroom stall and shoved his finger down his throat. He lurched forward, coughing and gagging as the futile smell of vomit tinged the air. Kurt did it again and found himself, once again, wretching into the toilet. He couldn't say it wasn't painful. He hated the feeling of food coming back up, nowadays he could barely stand the feeling of it going down.

He stood up and flushed his breakfast down. He felt lighter already and Kurt decided, _Yeah, I could get used to this._

**So please tell me if I should continue. As I said before, this is a PROLOGUE. The actual chapters will be VERY much longer!**

**Thank you. Ijustwantyoutoknow**


	2. Little Voice of Reason

**So, I know this chapters a little late. But its WAY longer than the prologue, edited twice and I finished in the midst of a SUPER busy weekend! I ran a race, went to my brothers soccer tournaments, spent time with my visiting grandparents, made brownies, celebrated mother's day, did homework, saw a play, and went to a bonfire fare-well patry for my friends dad who is off to Kuwait:(**

**I do not own anything Glee related...:(**

Kurt did extra flips and worked the hardest he ever had in Cheerio practice that late afternoon. Mondays, late Wednesday nights, Friday after glee and early Saturday mornings, Kurt was with the Cheerios.

He drank water periodically, but he seemed to just work it out right away, his brow line folded in concentration. Carefully placing his steps in sync with the Cheerios. His hair remained impeccable even as he twisted, turned and perspired. Coach Sylvester watched her team with a critical eye.

She searched for one misstep, someone a millisecond behind, she got after everyone. Today she couldn't find anything to criticize her Porcelain on. His skin glistened with just the tiniest bit of sweat, his eyes tinted with concentration and his feet moved swiftly with the beat. When he sang he made no mistake, hitting the high and low notes while simultaneously dancing. Not quite as vigorously as the rest of the cheerleaders, but still moving around.

After practice, Kurt escaped into the Cheerios' separate locker room that Sue Sylvester INSISTED on having. He applied a generous amount of sunscreen and deodorant, then he was off. He ran out to the track, and began running on the spongey red-orange material. On every lap he gained speed, every lap trying to burn more calories than the last.

Kurt ran for an hour. When he finished he was beginning to become light headed, his feet hurt, but he still ran into the locker room. He got dressed in his usual pristine clothing and packed up his stuff. Leaving the locker room, Kurt stopped in front of the mirror. _Disgusting. _Kurt's mind laughed and mocked him. _You're Never going to be skinny enough! You're always going to be a fat, pear shaped, loser that nobody likes. You need to work harder and eat less. You're disgusting._

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Kurt knew this wasn't true. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Kurt tried to refuse the voice. He tried to make it go away, it never did. Kurt sighed and walked away from the mirror, pulling his bag onto his shoulder and straightening his back.

The school was vacant, teenagers were anxious to get home and sports ended over an hour ago. Kurt walked slowly out, footsteps echoing off the walls and piercing his eardrums. He got in his car and drove home, knowing he would have to eat dinner with his family. His stomach growled but he felt repulsed at the thought of food. What was happening to him?

Kurt parked in the driveway and got out of the car. He grabbed his things and went inside. The smell of home-cooked spaghetti and garlic bread hit him and his mouth immediately started watering. He ignored the angry churn of his stomach and rushed into his room to get started on his homework. His pencil scratched effortlessly on the paper, creating flawless numbers and letters until his homework was complete.

"Kurt! Dinner!" Carol's voice rang throughout the house. Kurt felt a jolt in his gut, but wasn't sure if it was out of hunger or repulsion. Walking up the stairs, Kurt thought of various ways to get out of eating, feign sickness, say your tired, not hungry...Kurt came into the kitchen and was met with a full table of food. _Don't eat that bread, it's loaded with fat. Didn't you just work your ass off on the track to burn all the food off from before?_

"Here honey, I fixed you a plate." Carol gestured for Kurt to sit, of course there was a heaping pile of food in front of him. He smiled weakly and glared at the food. Tentatively, Kurt picked up his fork, his long fingers grazing the cool metal of the utensil.

"So how was school today, boys?" Burt asked, "Kurt you got home awfully late."

Kurt looked up from his pile of calories and gazed at his dad, "Yeah, Coach Sylvester wanted me to stay after and run on the track for an hour."

Burt grunted and took a bite. He turned to Finn next, "So how did your spanish test go today, Finn?"

Finn frowned and answered, "All those memory trick things helped. But it was still, like, super tough."

"Just keep working on it Finn, it'll come."

Dinner proceeded and Kurt forced his food down. When nobody was looking, he put the bread back and spread his remaining spaghetti around to make his plate look more empty. He stood, the food feeling like a rock in his belly.

"I'm done, thanks for the dinner Carol, it was lovely." Kurt got up from the table and cleared his dishes. He rushed down to his room and grabbed pajamas and a few of his skin products. After setting everything down in the bathroom, Kurt turned on the shower. He turned and saw himself fin the mirror, he looked twice as big as he actually was. Kurt grabbed at his stomach. _You shouldn't have eaten so goddamn much. Look at you. You did all that work for nothing, ran around for an hour just to eat it all back on. _

Kurt began to feel sick with himself. He grimaced and peeked out the bathroom door. No one was around...Kurt glanced at the toilet and in the mirror. There was only one way to undo his meal, he locked the bathroom door again and opened the toilet. Kurt shuddered at the thought of what he was about to do. _ But it needs to be done_. His mind taunted him and Kurt leaned over the bowl.

His dinner, barely digested and definitely worse the second time around splattered into the toilet. Not feeling empty enough, Kurt engaged his gag reflex a few more times until his vomit was merely bile.

At some point, Kurt lost that little voice of reason. His low self-esteem and his need for attention got the better of him. When Kurt ate as little as possible, and when he forced his food back up, the words anorexia and bulimia never crossed his mind.

Kurt flushed the toilet and stood up. He got in the shower, contented at the thought of the skinny body he would soon have. Kurt ignored that small voice telling him how fast this could get out of control.

Kurt continued to ignore it. After all, he wasn't going to do all that work for nothing.

**Next chapter soon! Reviews are much appreciated and I wanted to give an extra thanks to those who reviewed the prologue. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and stick around for the rest. Now it's WAY past my bedtime and I gotta sleep! THANK YOU!**


	3. Seeing Stars

**So, sorry for the wait. School was hectic last week and UGHABLUG. Anyway, enjoy and things are gonna get good. I am working on replying to reviews, they are SO great and you have no idea how much they mean. **

**I do not own Glee**

Kurt remained in this state for two months. He would eat, throw up, exercise and convince himself that he still needed to lose weight. Kurt's once healthy body was quickly turning into nothing but skin and bone. His clothes hung off his weak frame and his skin a grayish color.

The low grumble in his stomach and his craving for nutrients faded into the dark as his body began focusing on just breathing. His feet became heavier than they usually were and each shove into the lockers seemed to leave a bigger bruise every time.

Only Coach Sylvester seemed to notice the weight her vocally talented cheerio was losing. Only she noticed that he was taking labored breaths, that he always was the slightest bit off balance. And her Porcelain was skinny, unhealthy skinny. _Anorexic skinny. _

So, she went to do some investigating. In her office, Sue picked up her phone and got into Kurt's records. Finding Burt's number, she called. She became frustrated at the third ring and was about to slam her phone down in seething anger when Burt finally piked up.

"H'lo?" Burt's gruff voice boomed through the phone.

"Hello Burt. Sue Sylvester, you probably already know who I am so let's skip the introductions and cut to the chase. What's going on with your son?" She asked.

"What do you mean 'what's going on with Kurt'?" Burt articulated, who did this woman think she was.

"Well, I don't know if you noticed but your son seems to have been losing a lot of weight lately. Too much, I think he may have a problem."

"If this is about Kurt being gay-" Burt began to threaten, being gay wasn't a problem. It was who his son was and if this lady wanted to insult him, she could do it to Burt's face.

"No. It isn't that. By problem I meant disorder, I need to do more investigating, but I've seen this happen a million times before. Kid thinks he's fat and stops eating, I haven;t seen your kid eat lunch in a few months."

"Kurt eats dinner with the family every night! He's not skipping meals! I think I would notice-"

"Would you notice if he was puking all of it up in his bathroom afterwords? That's what I thought. Take him to a doctor to confirm, I'll force some food down him at lunch. Then I'll follow him to the bathroom to see if he decides to shove his finger down his throat."

Burt really didn't know what to say. Or what to do. Did he make Kurt eat? Bring him to a doctor? "Uh, okay." Burt said uneasily.

"I'll call you back and tell you. I suggest keeping an eye on him and bringing him to a doctor if my suspicions confirm true." Sue practically ordered and hung up.

* * *

><p>Kurt swayed a little in his seat and focused on his desk. Lately, his world was spinning around him and he was lightheaded. Kurt heard the bell ring and held onto his desk before slowly getting up. His feet clumsily found the floor and he stumbled out of the classroom. Kurt's head swam as he made his way to lunch. He sat down with the Glee kids, no lunch in front of him. He lazily rested his chin on his bony hand and closed his eyes. He jolted up and almost fell out of his chair when the clang of old plastic and fake wooden table collided with his eardrums.<p>

"Porcelain, you're looking sickly. I took the honor of getting you a lunch. You are going to need your energy for practice today and I need you as peppy and awake as I can get you. I want that all gone by the time the bell rings." Sue didn't even wait for Kurt's reply.

Kurt stared at the food. There was _a lot of it_, and he was just starting to look good. Kurt turned in the direction Sue had left in. She stood with her arms crossed at the lunchroom door, orange and green track suit wrinkling slightly at the elbows. He hesitantly picked up the spork and began to eat. He chewed slowly, the food feeling dry in his mouth.

Sue nodded as Kurt finished the tray of food she gave him, just two minutes before lunch finished. Kurt felt full, too full. He hadn't had this much food for a very long time. He felt sick, he felt like he was _going _to be sick. The bell rang and Kurt did his best to nonchalantly go into the bathrooms. He fell into a stall and kneeled in front of the toilet.

He sighed. He felt so fat, _ you are fat, get that shit Coach Sylvester gave you out of you before you begin to put on weight from it. _

Kurt sat there, waiting for the food to come up itself. It didn't so he expertly engaged his gag reflex, he coughed up his food and did it again until there was nothing left. Outside the bathroom, Coach Sylvester waited for Kurt. He never came out so Sue barged in. She went to the only closed stall and yanked the door open. She coughed at the vile smell in the small space. Kurt drew in a ragged breath and wiped at his mouth.

Coach Sylvester curled her mouth into a frown and pulled Kurt up. She pushed him out of the stall and after flushing the toilet, followed him out.

"You sick, Hummel?" Sue said sternly.

"N'no." Kurt replied through clenched teeth,

"Why are you doing this to yourself? Don't you think I don't see what's been going on. I don't want you to see you at practice until you get yourself some help and gain some weight. You look unhealthy." Sue turned sharply and barged down the hallway to her office to call Burt.

* * *

><p>Kurt walked tiredly into the house. He sighed angrily and was about to go down to his room when a worried looking Burt grabbed his arm. Carol stood in the kitchen doorway looking sad.<p>

Burt exchanged a worried look with Carol and his heart skipped a beat when his thumb grazed his fingertips. His hand _fit _ around Kurt's arm. Kurt tried to pull away but Burt's grip was too strong.

"Kurt, your cheer coach called me about what's been going on. Me and Carol are worried and we are bringing you to a doctor. Now." Burt let go and patted Kurt on the back, causing him to stumble forward. Kurt became dizzy again and grabbed onto his father for dear life. He shut his eyes and attempted to regain his balance.

"Kurt? Honey are you okay?" Carol's soft hand was on his shoulder and she helped Burt hold Kurt up. Kurt opened his eyes and shook their helping hands off of him.

"Yeah. I'm fine." Kurt's breathing was still labored and to be completely honest, his vision was a little black around the edges. He began walking towards the door and the black around the edges became bigger and bigger. His breathing became more and more labored.

A few steps before they made it to the car Kurt tried to say something but he saw stars and collapsed to the ground. Burt caught him underneath the arms just in time to save him from slamming his head on the driveway.

**Woah-ho-ho. Things are gonna get good. What will the doctors SAY? Next chapter is at the hospital. GET READY TO MEET OUR FAVORITE WARBLER(assuming your favorite warbler is Blaine, of course)**

**Reviews are loved here. **


	4. Crazy

**So school and I have been really conflicting...5 days left then I BELONG TO FANFICTION. I'm so happy I finally got this one finished, It took forever, I've been a little disconnected lately...but here it is. Hopefully it's okay.**

**I don't own anything**

Kurt woke up in a hospital room. He groaned, what had happened?

"-I am truly amazed he made it this far. It is a good thing that cheer coach noticed, or I don't think his body could have functioned much longer. He is severely malnourished and recovery is going to be a tough road. Mentally especially." The doctor explained to Burt, Carol and Finn. Finn had his head cocked slightly to the side and his face showed confusion. Yet, his eyes were glazed over in worry for his brother, he would occasionally glance at Kurt and when he did this time, he yelled.

"Mom! Burt! Kurt's awake! Kurt.." Finn rushed with the rest of the family to Kurt's bedside.

Everyone started talking at once and Kurt's head spun with undistinguishable voices. His voice cracked when he interrupted, "Why am I here?"

The doctor cleared his throat and came forward to speak to Kurt, "Kurt, you fainted on the way to your father's car. You are dangerously malnourished. We are feeding you through an IV. Your stomach shrunk from not eating for so long that we don't think you will be able to hold enough down to be beneficial to you." The doctor explained quietly to Kurt.

Kurt began to freak out. They were feeding him? His eyes slowly turned the IV, _I need to get that out of me._ Kurt looked at the doctor, he was turned back towards his parents. _I should be able to get this out with a couple good tugs..._

Kurt glanced back at the doctor, did he really want to do this? _Yes you do. You can't waste all the work you did for this body! Tear it out!_

Kurt really could not tell you when he became a slave to the voice in his head, but he could tell you that it was a very convincing voice. Kurt glanced at the group of conversing humans again before scrunching up his face and grabbing at the IV.

His arms were weak and he grunted with effort. He hissed with pain as the IV began to tear out of his skin. He ignored everyone telling him to stop and resisted against the doctor attempting to stop him.

Kurt thrust around and continued to try and get the IV out. His hand was bloodied from the tearing yet he continued to yank at it.

"Nurse!" The doctor called out and a nurse came in as Kurt finally got the IV out of his hand. It dropped to the floor and he continued to try and writhe away from the doctor. Kurt went on struggling, refusing to let the IV puncture his skin.

"No." Kurt puffed, "Can't-can't get fat.." He turned away from the doctor and pulled his hand from the nurse. "Don't touch me." Kurt warned. "I don't need an IV. I'm fine."

"? We are going to need to sedate him if we want to get him the IV."

Burt and Carol had a defeated look in their eyes and nodded sadly at Kurt. A nurse came in and with the help of another nurse and and the doctor they administered the sedative. Kurt struggled until he lost his motivation and strength. He fell asleep in a matter of twenty minutes. The nurse re-attached Kurt's Iv and left the doctor to talk to Kurt's parents.

"Mr. and Mrs. Hummel, if I could suggest something to you? I think it could really help Kurt." The doctor proceeded to talk quietly to the parents.

"Oh." Burt said. Had it really gotten that bad? _Obviously, he yanked his IV out. He's more concerned about looking good than being healthy._

"How much will this cost us?" Carol asked, concerned.

"Insurance should take care of most of it for you. I really think that this is the best option and the best way for Kurt to make a full recovery while it's possible."

"Burt, I think we should do this." Carol turned to Burt with a pained expression. Burt's eyes were darkened with sadness and worry for his son.

"Alright. When would he go?" Burt asked defeatedly.

"In about a week. We want to get him back up on his feet, have him gain a couple pounds, then we'll send him off."

"How safe is this place? What will he be doing there?" Burt asked, wanting only the best for Kurt.

"The building is secure, and only people who really care and want to help are employed. In the psych hospital, Kurt will have access to group therapy, counselors and a lot of free time to meet other people going through hard times like him. I believe he will be able to identify with the others here and have more motivation to heal." The doctor explained softly.

Burt nodded slowly, "Alright, okay. That sounds good, how do I get him transferred to this...facility?"

"I'll get the papers and send them right away to make sure there's an open room." The doctor left the room and Burt walked over to Kurt's bedside and took his hand.

"Snap out of this, buddy. Get better and make your old man proud."

* * *

><p>Kurt spent a long week in the hospital under light sedation. He gained a little weight and his head became less fuzzy. He didn't feel as weak and under the sedative he didn't feel like throwing up or attempting to tear out his IV. When he was on medicine, the voice in his head disappeared.<p>

Kurt was feeling so much better, but as the medicine began wearing off, he became more aware of what was happening. He was being wheeled out of the hospital, but to the back doors. The staff lifted him into an ambulance and the ambulance headed off. The medicines made him a little tired and eventually the vibrations of the moving vehicle put him to sleep.

Kurt woke up and looked around, he was at...where was he? Kurt looked at the building, it looked like any other normal building. Nothing suspicious except for the fact that he was being brought into it.

They helped him out of the ambulance and he squinted in the bright sunlight. He held on to the ambulance assistants arm until he gained his balance and looked around himself. It was a pretty open area, a few houses here and down the road there was a small town. He spotted his dad's car and wondered what they were doing here. How long were they driving for?

The assistant began leading him towards the door and Kurt spoke up. "Where are we going?"

"Didn't your family tell you? You are being admitted to a psych hospital for a while."

Kurt pulled his arm away, "What! I'm not crazy! I am not going in!"

The assistant, being used to this, grabbed Kurt's arm and forcefully pushed him towards the door, "I'm sorry, kid. This isn't a crazy home though, it's a place to heal. You have a real problem and your parents want you to begin healing here. You aren't ready to take care of yourself yet."

Kurt stopped resisting and just slumped his shoulders, his parents landed him here? The assistant dropped him in the lobby, white and cream walls and floors surrounded him. Burt and Carol stood in the lobby but Kurt just glared at them, daring them to say something. They stood in a cold silence until another doctor came in.

"Burt Hummel? I heard from the ambulance staff that you have arrived. I'm glad to see Kurt is doing better. We have a room for him and everything. I would really like to talk to you about his stay and I'll have Michelle show him back." Kurt looked around and saw a tall african american nurse. Her hair went an inch past her shoulder in elegant curls and wore a genuine smile. She noticed Kurt looking at her and walked over.

"Hello Kurt I'm Michelle Jenerieck. I'll be your nurse for your stay here, how about I show you around?" Her light hand came down on his shoulder and she led him towards a security locked door. Were all the doors here like that?

They passed a living room type room and Kurt saw a bunch of people around his age or younger. He wanted to stop but she continued down the hallway until they came to all doors. She brought Kurt to one and opened the door for him.

"This is your room. You will eat in the cafeteria and afterwords you will have an escort to a meeting with a counselor. The session will be an hour and we want to make sure you do not throw up. Here we are helping you heal and I want you to try. Some of your belongings have been brought here, dinner is served at six thirty. Feel free to go back to the main area, I saw you looking in there. You'll meet some really good people, Kurt. People that you can connect with, I suggest you go down there." She smiled warmly at him and walked of towards a near nurse's station.

Kurt walked slowly back down the hallway to the common area. There were televisions, video games board games, couches, art supplies, books, you name it. Kurt spotted a curly head alone on a couch staring at the floor. He was cute, was Kurt's first thought, then he noticed his forearms were in white bandages. The dark haired teen looked up and they caught eyes for a second.

The teenager looked down at the floor quickly and Kurt felt a draw to go over there, so he did. He sat down next to him but didn't;t look at him.

"I'm Kurt. I'm new here. What's your name?" Kurt introduced himself quietly

"Blaine Anderson. Why are you here?" He asked innocently, "I'm sure you can guess why I am." He played with the edges of his bandages and looked up at Kurt.

"Eating disorder." Kurt admitted for the first time. He finally registered it in his mind. It sounded vulgar and it tasted bad on his tongue. Kurt gave a sheepish smile and Blaine shook his head,

"You're crazy." Blaine said with a little laugh.

"Isn't that why we're here?" Kurt asked and the two finally looked each other in the eye.

**I apologizing for not replying to reviews yet. Fanfiction keeps telling me that I can't and it's just being dumb. To those of you who have reviewed I thank you with all my heart, they keep me going when I don't know how. **

**Thanks for reading! Suggestions? Tell me what you think!**


	5. Tomorrow, I'll begin

**IM BACK! I am so sorry for the wait and I hope I didn't lose too many readers, though I promise that updates will be much more often now that school is out. **

**Thanks for your patience, I don't own a thing.**

Blaine lay in his bed that night. The cold gray frame was nailed to the floor and his sheets were attached to the mattress. He had no sharp things in his room. He heard the nurse come by for her ten o'clock rounds and snuggled into his surprisingly comfortable bed.

His mind wandered it's way back to Kurt, the new boy that came up to him earlier that day. Blaine frowned, Kurt was so beautiful...why in the world would he think that he's fat? Blaine recalled how skinny Kurt looked, his eyes were sunken in a little and his cheekbones were prominent under his thin face.

Blaine couldn't help but be mesmerized by the other boy's eyes. They were blue and gray at the same time. They were so expressive and he had been afraid to stare into them too long. Kurt couldn't want some gay kid looking at him like that.

Gay and stupid. Why couldn't he just be desirable? Blaine blinked back tears and shut off his mind. His left wrist began to throb from friction with the bandages. He wallowed in the pain of it, but began to feel annoyed with the sensation of the loose gauze rubbing up against his marred skin.

Blaine got up out of bed and slowly made his way to the nurse's station.

"Nurse?" Blaine asked tiredly.

"Yes hun? Why are you out of bed?" She looked at Blaine with genuine worry.

"Um, my bandages are loose and they're rubbing..." Blaine tried to explain. The nurse nodded with understanding.

"You want me to change them?" The nurse offered kindly.

"I could just do it...If you could give me some stuff...I don't want to take you away if someone else needs you." Blaine shuffled his feet and the nurse shook her head.

"Come here hun, I'll help you with those." The nurse lightly grabbed his arm and began to undo the bandages. Blaine turned away from his irritated lacerations.

Blaine wasn't squeamish, he was ashamed. Blaine forced himself to look. The angry red cuts glared at him. They streaked across his arms in deep straight cuts except for a small word he could recall cutting into himself over and over again. _Fag._

It wasn't too big, but it was noticeable if you were looking at his forearms. Blaine had traced that with a knife so many times. It was the deepest one there. Physically and mentally it would leave the biggest scar. It reminded him of why people hated him, who he was, and who he wished he could be proud of. It brought back every insult and every hurtful thing his friends and family had spewed in his face every day.

Blaine looked away again when he felt hot tears prickling behind his eyes. The nurse finished carefully wrapping his arm and let go.

"There you go hun, now get some sleep. Group counsel at nine t'morrow." She smiled at him and Blaine whispered a small thanks as he made his way back to his room.

Kurt sighed heavily. Here he was, laying in bed looking at the ceiling, falling for a straight guy. Again. He recalled the days when he believed he had a chance with Finn, where he set his dad up for his own personal happiness. He smiled when he thought Sam might be gay. He smiled smugly, he _was _correct about the hair though. Kurt turned onto his side forcefully and furrowed his eyebrows together. He wished by some miracle that Blaine would like him back. But what were the chances. Blaine wouldn't want fat gay Kurt pining after him.

Kurt's inner voice became more than a murmur in the back of his mind. _It's because you gained all this weight. _

Kurt cringed and he looked at his body, it was true, he was rapidly gaining his weight back now that he was being nourished properly and being fed bigger proportions. Kurt closed his eyes and ignored the voice.

Blaine called him crazy for being bulimic. The doctors sent him here for being bulimic. His parents had _agreed_ that he needed help. Kurt brought the blankets over his head and fought against the voice. He needed to change, and he couldn't give in. Finally, in his mind, Kurt came to terms with the situation he was in. Kurt stared at the ceiling and clutched his blanket. This room was so different from the one at home.

The walls were white, the beds were gray and the sheets were an off white. Probably from being washed so often. Kurt wanted it to be morning so he could see Blaine. His curly dark hair looked so silky and unkempt.

Kurt closed his eyes and tried to imagine touching it, running his fingers through it and frowned. The one place he was supposed to get away from his problems and a new one shows up.

_I wonder why Blaine is here. Obviously he cut himself, but why did he do it? _Kurt looked down at his pale, smooth, forearms. He couldn't even think about scarring himself the way Blaine did. Kurt wondered if Blaine wanted to heal or if he was planning on getting out of here and trying to kill himself again.

Kurt hoped he wouldn't, though he'd only known his for a matter of hours Kurt cared for the boy at a deeper level than he thought was possible for the short time they have known each other for.

Tomorrow morning would be the first morning of his healing, tomorrow would be the day Kurt attacked his problem head-on. For his family, for himself, Kurt was going to try to heal. Maybe he would be able to pick up a new friend on the way.

As Kurt's eyes shut, Blaine lay down on his white bed. He was always conscious of the marks on his wrists. Blaine remembered the way Kurt's eyes still shone brightly despite his lack of weight, Blaine knew if he got better he would be even more beautiful. If there was a God up there, Blaine silently thanked him for sending Kurt, the last glimmer of hope in his life, His reason to heal.

**This is alright, next chapter will be much better. And to those of you who reviewed, I am so very thankful. THANK YOU SO MUCH :'D **

**Feel free to tell me how I'm doing:) :D :)**


	6. Breakfast Stories

**Wow. Thank you all for the amazing feedback on this story. The great reviews got me writing and I couldn't stop! Here is the next chapter! I hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Glee, I just like to play with the characters:)**

A nurse came by to drag Kurt out of bed the next morning. He groaned and flexed his toes in the warmth underneath his blankets, which he would be leaving shortly. The nurse smiled at him when she saw his feet collide with the ground. A shiver ran up Kurt's spine and raced through his limbs when his feet touched the floor.

Walking to the bathrooms with some clothes and a towel, Kurt felt tired and weak already. He stepped in and humid warmth hit him like a wall. He could smell shampoos and soaps throughout the shower area. Kurt thought shower areas like this were gross, but he was impressed by the cleanliness of it. The walls were dulled with condensed droplets of water and the floors squished comfortably beneath him.

He sucked in a breath and made his way to a bench to set his stuff down. He began to strip, attempting to divert his mind away from all the other boys in the showers. He turned to grab a shower and in his haste bumped into a short, yet solid body. Kurt dropped his stuff and fell to the floor with a painful thud. The towel around his slim waist cushioned him slightly, but it still hurt.

"Uh-oh. Kurt, are you okay? Here let me help you up." Blaine hurriedly offered his hand out to Kurt and Kurt obliged.

"Thanks for helping me up," Kurt was blushing hard, "Well, I'm just going to go get a shower so..." Kurt grabbed his stuff and began to search for a shower.

"Wait! Kurt! Wait up for me when you're done will you? We could go to breakfast together." Blaine smiled, Kurt gaped for a moment then brightened.

"Yeah, sounds great!" Kurt turned and walked quickly to a shower, reminiscing in the fact that maybe a friendship was beginning to form.

Kurt ate his food slowly, and watched asBlaine ate his.

"So, what are these group session things like?" Kurt asked, Blaine's head looked up and his curls bounced as he gave a small smile.

"They're alright, you just talk and share feelings I guess. I usually don't say much..." He returned to his food though this time a line formed between his dark brows.

"You don't like to share what happened?" Kurt inquired carefully, watching the other boys emotions as to not make him mad or annoyed. Blaine just shook his head back and forth.

"Nobody would understand, once people know me, I'm never treated the same. So I just choose to avoid it." Blaine downcast his hard gaze and took a bite of his breakfast. Kurt looked at him sadly for a second then turned to his own breakfast. It was the first time he ate willingly for a long time.

As if on cue his stomach churned. He frowned and grabbed the spoon for his fruity pebbles. _Ironic, I'm gay and I'm eating fruity pebbles. Is that even irony? Hm. _

Blaine scowled at his breakfast, _why does Kurt even care what happened. No one gives a crap about a stupid gay kid that deserves to burn in hell. _Blaine ignored his stinging eyes as the words he hated to hear tainted his mind. In the voices of his bullies and "friends." They jeered and laughed at him and it made him feel sick.

He felt Kurt's eyes on him and looked up, "So, why are you here?" Blaine asked distantly, _let's see if Kurt wants to talk about it. _

Kurt cleared his throat and stirred his cereal half-heartedly, "Eating disorder." He said calmly. Blaine watched as Kurt took a little bite of food and ate it, though it seemed forced.

"Nobody is watching to make sure you eat, why are you eating?" Blaine wondered, wouldn't he be skipping the meal if he wasn't being forced to eat it?

"Because I'm here to heal, I don't want to hurt myself or others anymore by not eating and forcing myself to puke everything up just because my life hasn't been the easiest." Kurt admitted and forced himself to take another small bite. _You're going to get faaaat..._Kurt grimaced and pushed the voice back, but pushed his breakfast away also.

"I'm done." He claimed, though he still felt the grinding emptiness in his stomach he had become so accustomed to.

"Oh, me too." Blaine said, "I'm not really hungry this morning either."

Their walk to down the hallway was quiet and solitary though there were two of them. Blaine led Kurt to a pair of double doors across from the hallway that branched off into the rooms and bathrooms.

The facility wasn't huge, there was just one floor and most likely a basement, Kurt assumed. The lobby was a comfortable place, Kurt inquired from the few minutes he had been in there, and it was much more colorful and noticeably cheerier than the rest of the place. The first door from the lobby led into a small hallway that led to another door, when you passed through that door you came to a common area with games and seats and things to do, the nurse said people hung out here when they had nothing else to do.

A door off to the right of that area was a nurse's station of some sort and if you went straight another door led into the hallway kurt was in currently. The hallway was pretty long and at the opposite end was the cafeteria. The end of the hallway closest to the common area had a small window.

In between were a few doors, one a music room, a small library and a couple rooms with doctors names on them, Kurt figured these must be the counselors. And then there was the room Blaine was showing him to, it was across from the two hallways that branched into the rooms and the shower/bathrooms. It had seats all facing each other and there were kids spread around the room, some alone, others in little groups. Kurt felt butterflies settle in his stomach and he bit his lip.

Blaine went over to a chair and sat down, he looked up at Kurt and looked at the seat next to him. "Are you going to sit?" Blaine asked.

"Oh, right." Kurt walked quickly to the chair and sat. He watched as a small number of teens slowly gathered in the room, sitting spaced out around the room. Quiet chatter filled the space until the door opened once more.

A short brunette woman came into the room. She had smile lines around her mouth and wore a purple shirt that brought her kind green eyes out. She looked around the room, nonchalantly holding her clipboard at her side.

"Hello, nice to see you all could make it! I see we have a new face in here today, so let's begin and let him see how things go. Kurt Hummel? Oh there you are," She walked over calmly, "I am Doctor Shannon, but you can leave the doctor part out, I just want you to know that you don't have to share anything you don't want to, alright? Oh, and I will also be your personal counselor, we meet every Tuesday and Thursday but if you need to talk I'm usually available as are the other counselors. Now let's get this party started."

**Please review, it really gets me writing! I have way more time to write now that it's SUMMER! Yeah!**


	7. People Like Us

**Oh God...It's been forever. I actually had to go back and remember where I was going with this story...Hopefully I still have some readers! **

Kurt didn't understand why the Doctor counted this as a party. It was an uncomfortable affair for him, and Blaine who sat next to him stared at his feet the entire time.

Kurt didn't want to tell everybody about his problem, it made him feel vulnerable and exposed. It seemed that a petite girl with brown eyes sitting next to Shannon had attempted suicide two times by taking pills.

He knew that Blaine cut his wrists up, and the others told stories of bullies and impulses. The stories sent shivers up his spine. He couldn't stand thinking about bullies, it brought memories to the surface that he did not want to think about. Purple bruises, smelly clothes, and stinging slushies in his eyes.

"Kurt?" Shannon asked kindly, "Would you like to share something?" Kurt felt eyes on him and he wrapped his bony arms around himself self-consciously.

"No." He quietly answered, he felt ashamed sitting in that circle.

"That's okay, it's hard to talk the first time. Blaine, do you have anything?" She turned to the curly haired brunette next to him.

Blaine didn't look up, he only shook his head.

"Alright, we'll talk later." The woman sighed, her tone very different from when she told Kurt that he could talk later. It sounded like her hope was failing.

Leaving the room, Kurt began to walk to the common area with Blaine.

"So what do we do here all day?" Kurt looked around the very white facility. Blaine shrugged, also taking a look around. His hazel eyes glinted in the fluorescent lights.

"We just mainly hang around. Some people do schoolwork, but they facilitate you. They don't want the stress to trigger something." Blaine instinctively glanced to his bandages.

"Why did you do it, Blaine?" Kurt asked. Blaine's head shot up, his hazel eyes glaring at him. Blaine was quiet, trying to avoid answering but the question made the air around them tense.

"My parent's hate me, I was bullied at school. I just wanted to die." Blaine whispered, not wanting to reveal his secret to the brunette boy walking next to him.

Blaine didn't know what it was about the thin teen with almost translucent, porcelain skin. Blaine wandered off on a tangent, and wondered if Kurt's skin was as soft as it looked.

Blaine didn't want to ruin the chance of having a friendship with Kurt. Being gay had taken many of his friends away from him, and Blaine didn't want to lose another.

"I was bullied a lot too. I was thrown in dumpsters and pushed into lockers." Kurt confessed quietly, hoping that Blaine would open up if he offered some information.

"But you stopped eating instead of cutting?" Blaine wondered why somebody would stop eating to make the pain go away.

"No. It started when my cheerleading coach had weight quotas. Soon I couldn't be thin enough, I skipped meals. If I was with family I'd throw up after the meal." Kurt looked at the floor, a heavy feeling of shame settling in his stomach.

Blaine looked at Kurt strangely, "So your bullies weren't a factor in your disorder?"

"No, they weren't deserving enough for my pain. They are nothing to me." Kurt's voice held a cold tone. It seemed so dead, so emotionless, and it cut Blaine to the core.

Blaine felt a wave of self-loathing hit him. He couldn't deal with the bullies, yet this kid could. He was weak, just like everyone had told him.

They sat on the plush couches in silence, the heavy weight of their minds reminding them of the terrible days they lived through and they played over and over in their heads.

"Blaine?" The doctor was back again, disrupting the peaceful silence between the pair. Blaine looked at the woman in the doorway, "Please come to my office, I would like to talk to you."

Blaine stood up slowly, giving Kurt one last look, as if to say goodbye. Kurt gave a small nod and Blaine began to follow Doctor Shannon.

He sat on the chair in front of the immaculate desk. Shannon folded her hands on top of the shiny wood and her green eyes studied Blaine's face.

"Blaine, you don't talk to the counselor, you do not talk in the group sessions, how are we supposed to help you get better?" Her voice was melodic and soft. Blaine looked at her, she looked genuinely concerned.

"I-I don't want people to hate me."

The room was deathly silent. Blaine thought he saw Shannon's eyes shine with tears for a second.

"Blaine, you don't have to be afraid here. We are here to help you, not judge you." Blaine knew that she was being careful around him, trying to coax answers out of him.

"Why should I think that everyone in here is any different from people outside of this facility?" Blaine croaked, anger boiling in his veins.

Shannon looked at Blaine, she'd seen his file. Rude words painted on his locker and car, the word he had cut into his forearm. Shannon wanted to help the broken teenager sitting in front of her, fighting tears of loneliness, pain, feelings that pushed him to harm himself.

Shannon decided that she would need to get personal with Blaine to get him to talk.

"Blaine I want to show you something. Come over here." She waved him over, reaching into her desk drawer. Blaine stood next to her and she flipped a picture over.

"This is my partner, together we have faced prejudice and judgement. And everybody here is okay with me, nobody here hurts me. Whatever it may be that has you staying here, we understand, we will not hate you." Blaine stared at the picture.

"Why do people hate people like us?" Blaine whispered to Shannon, tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

"Because we are different, Blaine. But you have to remember that you are not alone in this, you will leave Ohio and find that there are people who look at you the same whether you are holding hands with a man or a woman." Shannon put a comforting hand on Blaine's shoulder.

"Please try to open up, we want to help you. I want you to leave knowing that people care and that you deserve to live a happy life." Shannon guided him towards the door.

"Thank you." Blaine said, Shannon gave him a small smile.

"Go on, I'm sure Kurt is wondering what we talked about." Shannon opened the door for him. Blaine walked out, after a couple steps he turned around.

"Doctor Shannon?" He asked, eyes pleading for advice.

"Yes Blaine?"

"What do I tell him?"

"Whatever you want to, I'm sure that he'll accept you. I think you'll find that you have gone through a lot of similar things. But you only have to share what you are comfortable talking about." Shannon encouraged.

Blaine nodded and turned to continue down the hallway. He would tell Kurt, and hopefully some weight would be lifted off of his shoulders.

**Please Review, even if they are angry reviews telling me how terrible I am for not updating.**

**Thank you for reading:) **


	8. Look at What You've Done Now

**So this chapter is kinda happy-sad...? Hey, but they are on their way to getting better! **

Blaine sat silently next to Kurt, his head bowed. Kurt turned to him and put a hand on his knee.

"Blaine, what's wrong?" Kurt was the only thing Blaine could focus on. The slight warmth of his pale hand, the way his breath just barely caressed his cheek.

"I have something that I want to tell you." Blaine whispered, his thumb and forefinger fiddling with the bandages on his arm.

"What is it?"

Blaine squeezed his eyes shut, "I'm gay. That's the reason why people hate me, that's the reason why I tried to..." Blaine forced the words out, preparing himself for rejection from the only person here he'd felt even slightly compelled to talk to.

Blaine didn't hear any words, just felt the fragile arms pull him to a bony chest. Blaine didn't understand any of the words being mumbled to him.

Blaine pulled away to see tears filling Kurt's blue eyes.

"I'm sorry," Blaine began but Kurt cut him off abruptly.

"No, it's who you are, Blaine. You were born this way, we were all born the way we are. And I understand, I understand everything...because I deal with the same slurs, the same abuse that you do. But they can't touch you, not unless you let them."

Blaine let his head rest on Kurt's shoulder for the next couple hours as they sat in the empty room. Blaine's eyes were heavy from tears and Kurt sat back, humming soft melodies into the brightly lit room.

Blaine never wanted the moment to end. Never once in his life had someone accepted him immediately when he came out.

The nurse soon came to tell them that they needed to go to bed, Blaine and Kurt reluctantly stood up.

"Thank you, Kurt." Blaine cleared his throat, then looked up to meet the other boy's blue eyes.

Kurt's eyes were soft with sincerity, "I know what you're going through."

Kurt walked out, brushing up against Blaine's shoulder as he walked past.

The next morning the pair sat across each other at breakfast. Blaine was devouring his when he noticed Kurt's plate. He furrowed his brows and unceremoniously pointed his fork at Kurt's plate.

"You need more than that tiny bowl of cheerios." Blaine pointed out matter of factly. Kurt looked at Blaine skeptically.

"I'll be fine, I'm really not that hungry."

Kurt didn't know why Blaine's eyes flared with anger or why he sighed in angst. Kurt gave him a confused look, encouraging him to elaborate.

"Why do I feel like you've said that a million times? You are nothing but skin and bones, Kurt." Blaine looked at his plate of cereal, bacon and eggs. The usual breakfast offered at the facility.

Kurt looked hurt for a moment, "I refuse to eat that. It's bad for me."

Blaine took a couple pieces of bacon off of his plate and dropped the onto Kurt's.

"A couple of pieces isn't going to kill you. Not eating anything will." Blaine growled out and Kurt hesitated before picking up the bacon. _Nobody ever died because of their outstanding figure. _A velvety voice whispered, one that he recognized all too well.

Kurt quickly shoved the bacon in his mouth, chewing and swallowing in haste. Blaine gave him a strange look as he watched Kurt drink some water directly after eating the bacon.

Kurt then picked up the second piece, ignoring the voice as he ate it.

Blaine watched as Kurt got more cereal and ate another bowl, when Kurt finished he smiled at him. They were going to get better, if they continued to help each other, Blaine knew that they could do it.

After breakfast, Kurt walked into the Doctor's room for his individual session.

"Hello Kurt! How was your morning?" She asked with a substantial amount of cheer. Kurt sat on the chair, folding his hands on top of his crossed legs.

"It was good, I suppose." He glanced at Shannon before examining his nails. They looked slightly discolored and fragile.

"What did you eat for breakfast this morning? The truth." She gazed at the impossibly skinny teenager sitting before her.

"Two pieces of bacon and a bowl and a half of cereal." Kurt answered honestly. The counselor eyed him.

"How did you feel about that? It's been a while since you've eaten a full meal at your own will."

Kurt bit his lip and rubbed his hands together, "Well, it was originally a half of a bowl of cereal. Blaine, Blaine made me eat more food." Kurt continued to bite his lip after confessing.

"I see," She nodded, "I have noticed that you and Blaine are hanging out with each other quite a bit."

"Yeah," Kurt shrugged, "I guess I can relate to him. I'd like to have him as a friend if I'm going to be here for a while."

Shannon gave a tight smile, "The length of your stay has everything to do with how you are progressing."

The rest of the session went well, Kurt didn't necessarily like talking about his disorder, but he knew that he had to turn around.

But that night, as he looked in the mirror in the restroom, he couldn't help but see the same thing he'd been seeing for months. And the same voice in the back of his mind spoke to him, _Look at what you've done now. _So Kurt did the only thing he could think of. He entered a stall and sunk to his knees.

Blaine entered Doctor Shannon's office quietly. She offered him a smile while gesturing to the seat Kurt had vacated hours before.

"How are you, Blaine?" She asked, settling herself on the edge of her desk. Blaine looked at her and then at the floor.

"Alright I guess." He set his elbow's on his knees and rested his chin in his hands. Shannon eyed him curiously.

"Is something bothering you?" Shannon wondered kindly. Blaine let out a sigh and kept his eyes staring at the walls.

"I told Kurt yesterday. He wasn't mad or rude. But it made me wonder why everyone else couldn't be that way." Blaine looked at Shannon, she cringed at the way his features were etched with hurt and confusion.

"You're talking about your family." Shannon stated simply, watching as Blaine nodded his head and blinked rapidly.

"Blaine, I'm sure they'll come around. Who in your entire family knows?" Blaine shook his head.

"My parents and older brother." Blaine whispered, Shannon thought for a quick moment.

"What is your brother like? How did he take the news?" She picked up a pen and analyzed Blaine's expressions closely.

"My brother Cooper is six years older than me. When I started to realize that I wasn't straight, he was on his way to college. He only heard about everything that happened to me. I don't think I ever told him directly, all I know is that he hasn't come home since before I officially came out. I think it's my fault." Silent tears ran down Blaine's cheeks.

"I don't think so, Blaine. Your brother loves you." Shannon told him, getting up and sitting in the plush chair next to him.

Blaine swiveled his head to glare at her, "Don't say things like that."

"Okay, but you can't be positive about his feelings. He may not even know that you are gay, Blaine. You said it yourself, you have never told him directly."

Blaine nodded, feeling lower than ever. His throat constricted painfully, sobs threatening to escape.

"Now tell me about your parents, Blaine. They might just be trying to deal with this, it is life-changing for everybody. It may be hard for them to understand your feelings."

Blaine looked at her, "No." He choked out that final word and stormed out of the room. He couldn't talk about the way his mother's no longer softened with love when she looked at him. He couldn't talk about the way his father never put his hand on his shoulder and pulled him in for a side hug anymore.

He knew he shouldn't have tried to get better. It brought terrible feelings to the surface. Scary feelings that he never wanted to feel again.

Abandonment, pain, he needed a release. He needed something sharp.

Blaine entered the bathroom and punched the mirror with a sharp grunt. The mirror cracked and a couple of pieces fell out.

Blaine picked one of the glittering shards up and twisted it between his fingers.

The knuckles of his hand were bloody and stung with microscopic pieces of glass. Blaine pressed the corner of the glass into his hand when he noticed that he wasn't alone. Somebody was occupying a stall in the bathroom.

Blaine felt the blood begin to trickle into his hand and over onto the floor. He cursed and looked at his hand. _Look at what you've done now. _

The toilet in the stall flushed and Kurt came out, wiping his mouth. They stood there, face to face. Blaine holding the bloody shard in his hand and Kurt getting rid of the evidence that he just threw up all of the day's meals.

**Leave a review telling me how I'm doing! *hugs***


	9. Changes

**So...here is the next chapter! After having that long break I kind of forgot where I was going with this but now I have this all planned out! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! **

**Yeah I don't own anything. (I wish I owned Darren Criss) **

Blaine sat in the counselor's office. He waited for the yelling and the angry voice telling him that he was stupid.

It never came, and when he lifted his eyes to look at the kindly woman that had been standing calmly before him for the last ten minutes, he saw the thing he hated most.

Disappointment. The thing he hated more than sharp words. He tried to keep the tears at bay, he tried to tear his eyes from the eyes that, only a little while ago, had held hope.

"Why did you do it, Blaine?" The doctor asked. Blaine twiddled his thumbs. The sound of them swiping against each other was the only noise that disrupted the serene calm of the room.

"I couldn't...I...I don't know." Blaine answered, his voice smaller than the fibers in the carpet.

"Look at me Blaine." She forced, "You need to learn to control these urges. Even if your emotions seem unbearable, you have to refrain from hurting yourself."

"I don't know what comes over me. It's like I'm a different person." The curly haired boy whispered. Shannon eyed him sadly.

"You were on anti-depressants before you came back, did those help?" Shannon inquired carefully.

Blaine's head shot up at her and he glared, "No, they just made me feel...disconnected."

Shannon put a hand on his, "Blaine, I know you don't like them but it might be for the better."

Blaine jerked his hand away, "No." He stood up, the plushy chair skidding away behind him, "I won't do it."

Blaine stormed out of the room, bumping carelessly into Kurt on his way out.

"Blaine, what happened?" Kurt followed the smaller boy down the hall.

"Just go in, Kurt. I'm sure she'd like to give you some medicine that will kill you faster than your problems will." Blaine spat, eyes burning. Kurt grabbed Blaine's arm.

"Talk to me." Kurt pleaded, "I haven't known you for very long, but I can't let you leave looking like this."

Blaine relaxed slightly, "I just don't want to go back to the place that landed me here. I want to learn how to live with this, not run away from it." Blaine shifted uncomfortably for a moment before Kurt brought him into a hug.

"I know, me too. But sometimes you have to run and get stronger before you can beat the beast in front of you." Kurt ran his hand through the tangled curls.

"But I don't want to run." Blaine whispered, letting his cheek rest on Kurt's inviting shoulder.

Kurt pulled away, "Then you need to make sure you're prepared for the fight."

Blaine cocked his head at the chestnut haired boy. What he was saying was peculiar, but it made sense. Blaine had no clue why.

Blaine went to his room and fell into his bed, exhausted from the day's activities.

xxx

Kurt walked into Shannon's office.

"Kurt, I must say I wasn't expecting to see you here, especially after our earlier session." Shannon peered over her reading glasses.

Kurt sighed, "I know. But who were we kidding? Nobody gets over an eating disorder so fast."

"You were sedated for a long time, we had faith in the fact that you wanted to heal." Shannon told Kurt. Kurt crossed his legs and peered around the room.

"I do want to get better. I really do, but I don't think I've convinced myself."

"Then you need to resist your urges. Now, we're going to need to monitor your intake of food more closely. We also can't allow you to sneak into the bathroom to throw up." Shannon approached the issue cautiously.

She knew from experience that most patients didn't take that news too lightly. Kurt only nodded.

"I understand. Now can I go to bed?" Kurt rested his chin on his hand. Shannon grabbed a small candy bar out of her pocket.

"You need to eat something, here. Eat this before you leave." Kurt watched as Shannon extended the treat towards him. Kurt reluctantly took the bar.

"Thanks." Kurt said, though he didn't really mean it. After forcing the candy bar down, he left for bed.

His stomach churned as he lay down, ready to fall into his safe reverie of sleep.

xxx

"_Blaine," His mother wrapped him in a tight embrace, "I'm so glad you're home and safe." _

_Blaine's eyes were distant and his smile was different now. He walked into the house and gazed around. He hadn't been here for three months and now he was back. _

_His mother led him to the couch and sat him down, "Blaine, your father and I have been talking about your schooling." _

"_Westerville high isn't safe for you anymore." His father's tone was flat, as Blaine had expected. _

"_We've already sent your transcripts and started your enrollment at Dalton. It's an all boys private school a few miles out." _

_Blaine nodded, "Okay." He stated dazedly, seemingly indifferent about the situation. _

_Blaine's mother caught his gaze and eyed him confusedly, "Blaine, we're trying to help you." _

"_I just want to help you." _

"_You need help" _

"_We're doing what's best for you"_

"_For you"_

"_Help" _

"_We want to help you." _

Blaine thrashed in his sleep as the voices of his parents and his many counselors rattled around in his head. Sweat began to bead on his hairline as the voices changed.

_Blaine's face was shoved into the ground and he was kicked in his ribs one final time. Tears fell freely down his cheeks, and it seemed that even they hurt, along with everything else. _

_The stinging laughter of the jocks, the way the gravel and dirt from the school parking lot mixed with his flesh and blood. Everything hurt. _

_Blaine saw through his quickly swelling eye that a jock had crouched next to him. _

"_Just remember, faggot. We're trying to help you, this is what's best for you. We only want to help you change." _

_Blaine tried to move away from the sweaty football player, but his body hurt too much for him to move. _

Blaine woke up, shaking with fears he thought he'd left in the past. He sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, hoping to wipe away the grogginess and the rest of the terrible dream.

He dropped his head into his hands and wondered if trying to heal was worth it. All it seemed people were trying to do was change him. Blaine didn't want to change, whether it was someone giving him medicine that took his feelings, or a neanderthal that was trying to beat the gay out of him.

Blaine didn't want to change who he was just to heal, but he didn't want to spend the rest of his life in this nuthouse.

He pulled the covers up, deciding that he would fight, because the burning sensation on his arms, the judgmental stares and the tears were getting old. Blaine decided before rolling over and shutting his eyes, that it was time for change. And maybe it didn't have to be a bad thing.

xxx

Kurt rolled over in his sleep, the white sheets scratching and twisting around his legs as a dream pulled him even further from consciousness.

_Kurt stood on the scale in coach Sylvester's office. Red banners and golden trophies surrounding him as he stared at the number on the screen._

_Go down, he pleaded inwardly as blood rushed through his ears, go down just a little bit more._

_The click of Coach Sylvester's tongue against the roof of her mouth pulled Kurt's attention to her disapproving look. _

"_Hummel, I want you to take a look at everything in this room. Now tell me how I'm supposed to win another national championship and the Glee club's budget if I allow sweaty bags of cellulite on my team?" _

_Kurt gulped at the sound of her dangerously low voice. He opened his mouth to form words, but only fragments of sound came out._

"_I-I-Coach, I d-I don't kn-know." Kurt stuttered, waiting for the blow. Sue Sylvester looked Kurt over with contempt in her eyes._

"_Get out. And have your uniform on my desk by lunch." Sue growled the command, watching as Kurt's eyes widened. _

_He turned and left the office, chest heaving. He wasn't anything now. He was no longer the Cheerio that was protected by the uniform._

_He was a target, and now that Coach Sylvester wouldn't be watching out for him his bullies were bound to push him and taunt him more often. _

_His shoulders slammed into the lockers, his back bruised from the locks, his clothing stained from the artificial coloring of an ice cold slushy._

Kurt's eyes opened and he pulled in a deep breath. It took a moment for Kurt to remember that he wasn't on his way to school the next day, and that he wasn't facing Sue Sylvester's expectations.

And Kurt almost felt safe. But he knew that eventually he was going back to school and that meant subjecting himself to judgement again.

If he could make Coach Sylvester see that he was still worthy of being on the Cheerio's, maybe he could continue to avoid the bullies. Kurt knew it meant evading treatment, or at least faking it. His other option was to get better and subject himself to pain.

And in some ways, the second option sounded better. Because Kurt was getting tired of the worry, he was tired of the fatigue and denial and self-loathing.

Kurt fell asleep with a contented sigh, after a relapse into his old ways he decided that it was time to make commitments and changes. Real ones, this time.

**So yeah, after that little relapse thingy they needed to think about things. Cue deep thinking lol. **

**Leave a review? **


End file.
